4th Amendment, RIP: A Rant By Herr Mobiustrip

How do you like your 4th Amendment? Diced to shit, I hope, cuz it done been destroyed.

For a little insight, I recommend Nat Hentoff's Voice column from 12/03/01, as well as John Whitehead's commentary from 09/29/03. After you've finished reading, and you come to realize the framers of The Constitution drafted the 4th's provisions to guard us specifically against this type of infraction on our gubment's behalf, go buy a yahrzeit candle and light that shit, cuz "the protection against unjust search and seizure" has just gone the way of the dinosaur and apparently freedom's just another glitch in The Matrix.

Which part of "live free or die" is the one where the Bill of Rights is dismissed as the idealistic expressions of whimsical and unrealistic colonialists? Perhaps the one where the terrorists win? No? I suppose I would rather be at risk of suffering a terror attack than to have the government spy on me. God forbid I say such things, though. That would be American, and the Right... well... actually defending The Constitution is just more Communist-looney talk, as far as they're concerned. How dare I speak of The Constitution when I hate America so.

Just ask our new friend JJ. He's the troll that lives under the bridge. JJ probably doesn't know anything about fascism except that when liberals use the word to describe the current political climate in the US, they should be immediately dismissed as treasonous know-nothings who despise our great and noble nation. And that's fine. I don't much gather the Hitler youth brigade stopped to think about the frenzy they'd been whipped into, nor who was really benefiting from the sitaution, or how awfully the path they'd chosen violated the basic principles upon which their society was founded.

But alas, argumentum reducto ad Hitlerium. I done dug my own grave now. Once you draw any comparison between anything and Nazi Germany, your opinion ceases to matter, even if you're right. After all, unless you slaughter 10,000,000, there can be no comparisons, even if the government's actions up to that point are nearly identical in nature to those of der Fuhrer's. So what's the point?

You go right ahead and wave that flag JJ! Wipe your brow with it! Wipe your ass with it! Wrap yourself in it and beat your chest apeishly while you troll our comment boards, apparently having nothing better to do than to pick fights with strangers simply for having political views that differ from your own. Hey it's a free country! Or wait... It was a free country. But you're so busy denouncing the people who are defending our rights as traitors (because Fox News told you to) that you don't even notice the fact that your rights are being trampled like a Walmart customer hunting a $30 DVD player and that the notion of a free America has been reduced to an abstraction that has otherwise been substituted with a mouth-frothing tribalism that represents no values or ideals other than the triumph and victory of the meatheaded industrialists and corprowhores who have stolen our country out from under our feet.

Hope you like your new Medicare bill fucko. Maybe one day they'll have a $400 pill to protect you from all the shit they're pumping into the air and water (that is, if you live in a low income neighborhood). And when the Social Security system is bankrupted and all the jobs have moved to international free trade zones where workers get paid $7/week to work 18-hour days, and the sole function of government has become to defend rich corporate fatcats and their organic foodstuffs from the riotous mobs outside their planned community gates, I know Uncle Sam's going to be looking out for you, because of all the support you gave him in his time of need. And when the government invites more terror attacks upon our cities because they were more interested in putting people behind bars for selling bongs on the Internet than firing all the assholes at the CIA who have been conducting secret wars for 50 years, you'll know it was because we Communist fuckwads weakened the strength of this great nation by not pledging allegience to every Constitutional infraction advanced by the Bush administration.

And when some raghead gets a hold of one of the nuclear weapons Reagan sold the Iranians in the 1980s (you know, those same Iranians who raided and seized an American embassy only five or so years beforehand)—after we invade their country to give Halliburton or Betchtel another hefty contract they can overburden American taxpayers with, likely bombing all buildings housing government records in the process and thus making it much easier to smuggle such a weapon out of the country (cuz it'll no longer exist on paper)—and they sneak it into one of our practically unguarded ports (you know, because we need to spend money on invading Iran, as opposed to securing our own borders) and detonate it on the A train during rush hour... I know that you'll know that we're fighting a just war, for the right reasons, and that us Lefty shit-for-brains aren't really living on planet Earth. Because in the real world, the government has your best interests in mind, always. They're there to protect you, whether you know that's absolute horseshit or not, as our Founding Fathers seemed to believe in 1776 when they drafted several resolutions to limit the power of the government, to say, search our houses, or limit political speech. I mean, geez, it's not like the 2nd Amendment was to keep us armed so that we could defend ourselves from tyrannical government. Oh heaven's no! It's so we can go turkey shooting and protect our homes from burglars, right? It's not like 225 years or so ago we knew this type of government wasn't kosher and had the representatives of 13 colonies ratify a Constitution to protect us from befalling such a fate once again. Idealism! Feh.

And I guess, all this makes me feel really optimistic about the future—like, there's something to look forward to... a future for me to raise my kids in. A future where government equals tear gas and baton. Oh, and money. Valueless money. The great mythic America of Masonic architecture, and enlightened reason. Where opportunity knocks for all. Wait, wait—I'll give you a choice: You can have a baton, a briefcase, or a botulism! Croney, crook, or cripple. What'll it be? Yes, a brilliant future in the great meltingpot, where the streets are paved with gold.

Oh beautiful, for specious lies, for granite waves of graves... For fervent, hostile enemies, flying US-made planes. America, America, God has forsaken thee. And drown thy mood with pharmaceuticals, and obey your damned TV.

Yes! Yes! Privatize everything yet continue to tax me at a 33% rate so you can pour all my money into provoking people to kill me! Then send me to fight and die overseas! But please, please, lock me away if I get cancer and dare smoke a joint to stomach my dinner! That would be morally reprehensible. Please, let the cops beat innocent men senseless or even kill them w/o repercussion because they're black and black people are intimidating because we beat the shit out of them for 400 years and now they're free and angry and put your hands on the hood motherfu— Expel children from school for playing cowboys and Indians, folding their hand into a gun shape and saying "POW!" because lord knows that's a precursor to Columbine. Let people starve and die in the streets, with no food or medical attention, but subsidize a multibillion dollar corporation with tens of millions in tax dollars because they contributed to your campaign. Ban abortion, forcing women to mother and raise children on welfare, and then bitch about how single moms on welfare are bleeding the tax coffers dry. Withdraw government aid towards birth control. Let three companies control every newspaper and television station in America, so we can all get our stories straight more easily and won't be distracted by any of those so-called "facts," or that ever-troublesome "truth." Yes, it's a bright future ahead of us all. Single-file line, please. Have your National ID card out and ready. Open wide for your retinal scan, please.

But, whatever, it's cool. Welcome to the family, shit for brains. You can sit at the end of the table next to my retarded cousin Freddy. Maybe you can hand him a knife and ask him "who's special," and show us all how caring you really are. Enjoy the 'neck JJ. Cuz we're oh-so-intimidated by your petty obnoxion and "witty" reparté. Why, after reading your scathing criticisms, I just don't think I could ever espouse a political belief again. For shame! You've really shown me what a fool I've been.

You can take Bush's cock out of your nose now, by the way. I hope you like your family pre-packaged like a TV dinner. Fucking factory-farmed general purpose human fodder. MAY THE FREE RANGE REIGN FOREVER!